Originally published at Out of Sorts. Please leave any comments there.

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It’s still a little rough and I’m very unconventional with traditional song set-up, but I do that on purpose! I promise.

Let me know if you like it!

Originally published at Out of Sorts. Please leave any comments there.

Props to Ed. :)

Originally published at Out of Sorts. Please leave any comments there.

Disclaimer: This review is not for the faint of heart. It also contains spoilers.

Dear Roland Emmerich,

I have to thank you. When I used to mention to my friends how much of a disaster movie addict I was, I’d constantly have to defend my cinematic tastes. Now that I’m done watching the massive visual jackoff session you’ve labeled a movie, I must thank you for curing me of my affliction.

First and foremost, props to cast. Aside from the weird Fabio moment by Sasha (Yohann Urb) at the Las Vegas airport, and the over-the-top ranting by Oliver Platt, the movie was pretty well acted. Props to John Cusack, Amanda Peet, and Liam James for making a dysfunctional family in the midst of a crisis, believable.. uh, er, for the most part. I’m personally going with the bad script excuse.

I’ve  loved Thandie Newton and Chiwetel Ejiofor since I first saw them in MI:2 and Serenity respectively. They deserve scripts much better than this.

When I spoke to my best friend about this, Pete mentioned that there were some “Oh come on!” moments in the beginning, but the special effects started to suck you in as the movie progressed.I hate to say it, but those moments of incredulity never went away for me as time progressed.

This overly long piece of garbage would have been better with a lot of edits.

Let’s trim just a little, shall we?

1.) The scene with the Russian boxer in Las Vegas. Why did you waste five minutes of my time with that? You could have opened on him sitting at the fight with his girlfriend. He gets a call to start boarding. Done.

2.) The extra footage of Danny Glover, attending to the doomed people of Washington D.C. I love Danny Glover. I love Danny Glover as President.I get that he was valiant up and to his last breath.  However, going back after his last Presidential address to watch him die by shoving the U.S.S John F. Kennedy up  his ass was a bit much, no? That selection of scenes could have saved another five minutes.

3.) The multiple script decisions that afforded the Curtis children, unnecessary danger. “Oh, it’s okay,our little girl can come with me as the world goes to shit, as I go try to find a map from the crazy guy standing next to a volcano.”  Stay with the motherfucking plane! Jeez.

4.) All of the cruise ship scenes could have been nixed. Just show the big boat biting it like the Titanic under a huge wave.  Neither story on that ship resonated with me. You could have had the quartet playing “Nearer My God to Thee” and I wouldn’t have been emotionally affected. That would have saved about 10 minutes.

On the same note: I didn’t truly care about anyone in this movie, save for the poor Indian scientist who bites it with his wife and child. It was almost like you and your writers were trying too hard for character development with too many people and in the end, no one got the attention they truly needed.

5.) The canine high wire act. What the fuck was that? Why is it in every single disaster movie, the dog lives? Why again was valuable time wasted to watch a Pomeranian make it to safety? Do you think after destroying the fucking planet that I would care about a damn dog? I’m pretty depressed after watching millions of people just end, but yay, the dog lives. (Insert eye roll here)

6.) The Sasha death scene. I actually thought I heard you scream, “Fooled You!” as the plane finally nose dived down the mountain side. It wasn’t even added suspense. It was just cruel. 2 minutes.

This movie could have been right up there with greats like, The Core and Twister and Independence Day. (Hey, don’t knock some good fun destruction!) I think ultimately where this movie fails is that it tried to be too much of everything and ended up losing its own identity in the process.

Furthermore, the science in this movie…sucks. I’m sure most people will see a cell phone call while the world is on fire as plausible. Hell, where do I sign up with a carrier who is that good? I can see their slogan now — “When the world goes to shit on December 21, 2012, don’t forget to say goodbye with our reliable network and family share plan!”

Ugh. So yeah. Bleh. I will concede that there were moments of pwnage, especially, the destruction of LA, the Yellowstone volcano (Where was the massive shockwave that would have killed everyone in that area, btw?) and the sheer scale of the arks.

Yet, there are too many things the story wants to pass as possible and factual that I couldn’t wrap my analytical mind around. I was never engaged by the story to just sit back and enjoy the ride. Instead, I was strapped to my chair and forced to swallow bullshit for almost three hours.

Now can you see why I’m so irate?

Being the anxious person that I am, I did carry around irrational fear we were all going to meet our makers in a similar fashion, but I’d like to thank you for easing my fear that it will not go down the way you’ve said it will.

Please don’t make any more movies.

Most sincerely,

Kate Baker

P.S. You might want to go back and look at where Cusack cuts his head open under water. Miraculously when he survives being submerged and unconscious for a good few minutes, there is no cut. Ooooh. Editfail for joo.

Originally published at Out of Sorts. Please leave any comments there.

Hey boys and girls!

Just wanted to let you know that I’ve done another narration for the good ship Sofa. I was very privileged to read “After the Fire” by Campbell Award nominee and Writer’s of the Future Winner, Aliette de Bodard.

This is one of my favorite stories so far! I do hope you’ll drop by StarShipSofa and give it a listen!

As always, comments and suggestions are always appreciated!

Originally published at Out of Sorts. Please leave any comments there.

Just when I think I’ve lost all faith in people’s ability to care for one another, something like this comes along. This brought me to tears.

Thanks to Josh for retweeting on Twitter.

Originally published at Out of Sorts. Please leave any comments there.

Hey you!

Yes, you.

 Do you have $10.00? You do?! That’s excellent news! For just $10.00 (or more), you can become one of my loyal subjects in the Clarkesworld Magazine Citizenship Drive! We’re hoping to hit 400 new citizens by the end of the year and we need your help. The details of what your donations will count towards can be found on that link. Clarkesworld Magazine depends on support from the SF/F Community to keep running and bringing you stories from both established and new authors.

I also want to surpass Princess Cheryl in her minion count  so far as well, and I can only do that with your help! I have one donation to her eight. Help me overcome her tyranny! ;)

Thank you in advance for supporting something that means so much to me. I have thoroughly enjoyed joining the staff at Clarkesworld. Anything you can do is much appreciated!

Originally published at Out of Sorts. Please leave any comments there.

To my darling little girl who is now, not so little. I wanted to wish you a most wonderful and happiest of birthdays. You are an incredibly bright young lady, full of wistful imagination.

I’ve watched you from the days you were a bump in my belly to hearing how treasured you are from everyone who’s come into your life. I know this will only continue as you grow older and even more beautiful.

I love you with all of my heart.

Originally published at Out of Sorts. Please leave any comments there.

Can I pass out now? I don’t think I’ve been this busy narrating for a very long time! Not that I’m necessarily complaining. It’s a nice warm feeling throughout my whole body when people like what they hear and want more! On that note, on my second month on the job with Clarkesworld Magazine - I’m narrating a story by Cat Rambo! Please go take a listen if you have some time to spare.

The other content this month is well worth a look as well!

The Mermaids Singing Each to Each
by Cat Rambo

Brief Candle
by Jason K. Chapman

The Fantastic Spectrum of Elizabeth Hand
by Jason S. Ridler

Modern Genetics in the World of Fiction
by Roger Moraga

Originally published at Out of Sorts. Please leave any comments there.

A ghastly ghoul is haunting this humble house in Connecticut. (Hey, I’m trying to keep up my alliteration with my poetry class tonight.)Luckily, it looks pretty manageable. :)

Originally published at Out of Sorts. Please leave any comments there.

A very interesting TED talk. I’ll the esteemed guest do all the talking…

Originally published at Out of Sorts. Please leave any comments there.

I am banning news from my computer. If something happens in the world, I’m hoping one of my good friends will clue me in. Only of course, after the facts have been checked through various credible sources, like, “The Daily Show”.  (Insert eye roll here) Why have I finally thrown in the towel? Keep reading, please.

This is a screen shot from my local news station’s website:

(You can click to embiggen)

Do you see on the lower half of the main content where is says, “Talk of the Town”. Yeah, now read that.  Just in case you can’t — here is the quoted text.

Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt; Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee; Britney Spears and Kevin Federline — they’re just some of the celebrity couples who have gone from wedding bliss to calling it quits. Now there’s talk of banning all divorces i…n the state of California. One man has set up a Web site dubbed California Marriage Protection Act 2010. What do you think?

The website they are pointing to  is this one: Rescue Marriage

Anyone with half a brain and who spends five seconds on the site, quickly comes to the realization that this is what intelligent people might just call sarcasm. Its purpose is to criticize the ban on gay marriage in California. If the front page didn’t give you a clue, the site is full of hysterical stuff.

This is a great example of creatively countering an ongoing argument. I think it’s brilliant.

The problem is that not everyone visiting the site (including news organizations) have the brains to comprehend satire. If they were able to discern, the question then becomes: Why is this “news” organization intentionally misleading it’s readers?

Is this really a platform for discussion? Would it have been better served to phrase the question differently? I don’t know, something like — “Opponents to the Californian ban on gay marriage have come up with creative ways to illustrate their points. What do you think? Is it effective?”

By leaving out both the link and misrepresenting the content, people immediately follow the logic that credible news site= credible web site on banning divorce. This “news” organization has crossed a rather interesting line that continues to grey. Day by day, the public (part of which contains a growing population that subscribes to the ideas of government conspiracy and messages of hate) is encouraged to open up debate on hot topics which center around real people. When a great majority of the populace is not above an eighth grade reading level,  it’s hard enough to have balanced conversation. Add what was once a reputable news agency blurring the lines of truth and sarcasm becomes dangerous.

It’s a numbers game and so far, the intelligent who can decipher the difference in cases like this are losing.

Update: I sit here wondering how many donations that the site has received (to ultimately help overturn Prop8) have been from people who truly believe in the cause of banning divorce. Tricking stupid people out of their money is both brilliant and sad at the same time.

Originally published at Out of Sorts. Please leave any comments there.

Hey Guys and Girls!

In the craziness that has been my life for the past month, I neglected to mention that I had two narrations up! I’ve got four to get done and a finished one waiting pub.

“Spar”by Hugo & Nebula nominee  Kij Johnson is up at Clarkesworld Magazine. (Did I mention I like, work for them now? *Squee*) It’s full of adult themes and language, so if that kind of stuff makes you queasy, best to avoid. It’ll be on the home page for about another week, then get drops back into archives/audio fiction, so please, go take a listen.

“The Reflection of Memory” by Writer’s of the Future winner, CL Holland is up at StarShipSofa. This podcast on the fantasy side of the SF/F genre.

Both are excellent pieces of writing and I hope I do them justice!

If you have a moment after listening, I’m always craving constructive feedback.

While I got you — Look for a new Nick Mamatas story coming soon to Escape Pod as well!

Originally published at Out of Sorts. Please leave any comments there.

So I was debating on installing Windows 7 and I saw this article on Gizmodo. This photo is a direct screen shot. Not photochopped. You have my word as a human.

Not only did the browser crash, but the computer locked up, making everything else I did useless. This is a month after a fresh install as well.

Originally published at Out of Sorts. Please leave any comments there.

This is absolutely incredible. Some of the best work include the ballistics gel and the hollowpoints. Truly amazing.

Originally published at Out of Sorts. Please leave any comments there.

This was Allie’s first day of school back in September.

This is Chloe today.

Originally published at Out of Sorts. Please leave any comments there.

Two weeks ago…

Pete: You love Neil Gaiman right?

Me: Love is such a subjective word in this case. Would I love to have him read to me in a quiet graveyard by the flickering glow of candlelight while I looked up at the stars? Yes.

Pete: *silence*

Me: You there?

Pete: Uh. Yeah. Um, so like, I found you a first edition Gaiman at a Half Priced Books.

Me: *Squee* First edition Hard cover?

Pete: *Yep*

Saturday Night at the ESPN zone:

Pete: Here’s the book I found.

Me: *Squee* Fragile Things! I haven’t read that book, yet! Thank you!

Pete: So about that unhealthy obsession with graveyards…

(At this point, I thumb through the first pages to see if it’s actually a 1st Ed. )

And it is! Then, I realized as I was passing through the pages to get the publishing info that I missed something….

I don’t know why, but I was suddenly filled with a distressing sadness. This book was once given with love to a girl named Rachel. For some reason unknown, the book ended up being resold for half of its value.

 My mind raced with possibilities. Did Rachel pass from this life to the next in some unfortunate accident? Maybe instead of throwing out the book when her parents cleaned out her room, they decided to pass it on for a little chunk of change? Did Rachel and her parents have a falling out? Did she run away from home? Perhaps she eloped with a boy for whom her parents didn’t care? Did Rachel need the money for college or to fund an unwanted pregnancy?

So many unknown paths.

The book was warm as I clutched it in my hands. I’d like to think that it’s because the feelings behind the first giving still resonate within the pages. At least that is what I’m hoping.

Originally published at Out of Sorts. Please leave any comments there.

Some big news to report on multiple fronts!

I’ve been invited to be “Podcast Director” (get a load of the official title) for Clarkesworld Magazine! That’s right, I’ve joined the staff of the Hugo Nominated Magazine! What will I be doing, exactly? I’ll be coordinating podcasts for the monthly releases, and introducing some new and exciting content as the magazine continues to grow.

Do me a favor? Mention the magazine to your friends, have them mention us to their friends! (I can actually say “us” now! *Squee*)

In other news, I’ve been interviewed by the wonderful Charles Tan over at Bibliophile Stalker. I am quite humbled as this was my first interview ever, but Charles made me feel welcome. Thanks, Charles. You’re the best!

I also have a narration up at Escape Pod as well this week. You should go over there and take a listen! “The Kindness of Strangers” by Nancy Kress opens discussion about our true selves. When disaster of epic proportion, propagated by aliens strikes, who do we become? Do we change or do we show our true colors?  Two more narrations are  in the pipeline for Jeremy Tolbert and the good folks at EP.

I will also have another narration up on Clarkesworld as we hit October 1st. I can’t say much about this one and will update the blog when it comes around. As a narrator, I am still digesting and it’s been a few days since I read it.

Tony C. Smith with StarShipSofa has given me another story to add to the two I’m still working on as well. Again, I’ll update when those are done and published.

I’ve updated the podcasts/narration page with the stuff that is just recently out. Enjoy!

It’s been a whirlwind and I have only to thank those of you who have cheered me on, listened and recommended my readings to others. You guys get all the credit here. Not me.

Originally published at Out of Sorts. Please leave any comments there.

If you’re interested in reading the story below, let me know and I’ll send you the password.

The biggest theory regarding time travel is that even if we had the ability to dance between minutes, we would not be able to change anything.

What if we could?

The smell of sweet tobacco hung in the air, much like the humidity of the warm summer Louisiana night. Swirling the brandy in his crystal tumbler, Monsieur Rochaud tried to play the part of the gentleman. On more than one occasion, he had to stop himself from tapping his foot against the floor to  the beat of the jazz band through the wall. After all, there were appearances to maintain.

“Not joining us tonight, Michel?” A portly red-faced gentleman asked, flashing a deck of playing cards.

Leave a comment in this post or send me an email if you’d like to read the rest :)

This post is password protected. You can read it at Out of Sorts, where it was originally posted. Please leave any comments there.

Originally published at Out of Sorts. Please leave any comments there.

Unfortunately, I’ve been a busy little bee.

I find when I’m actually writing anything but my blog, the blog tends to suffer the most. I will find time to rectify that little problem as I settle in with my new college classes. How are those going you may ask? I’m staying ahead in the HTML class and  I nervously turned in my first short story for group critique.

For those of you who are interested,  I will also be posting the story here. Send me a comment or an email and I’ll supply the password.

Over at Pete’s site, we had a week of book reviews.

He’s been busily working on Loss of Innocence and Book Two of Alchemy and Empire. As he’s told anyone reading his site, if you want to be a truly decent writer, reading other people’s work is a must to help you on your way.

To play my part, I reviewed Green by Jay Lake. That post went up today.

So, what have you been up to while I was gone? Mmmm?